dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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