Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
