we have pet lesbian snakes
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
