I'm lost and stupid without you.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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