Swine flu. Run for my life!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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