guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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