I'm pants shitting drunk right now
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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