I wish I could teleport
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
