i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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