On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
