And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You ruined the universe
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
