WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
