someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We need to get me chipped asap
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
