the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
