Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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