I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I FOUND THE LEGS
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
