Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
did i just pee glitter
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
