he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
