I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
