I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
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My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
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Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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