So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
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No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
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The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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