Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
