there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
