All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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