it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
