doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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