so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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