we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
