Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
