I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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