I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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