I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
