This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
