I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
