when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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