That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
