hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
