i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
