Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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