Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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