please come you make the beer taste better
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I lost the right to judge tonight
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
