I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
