is your mom at the bar?
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Randomize
