you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
