If i come over, it means nothing
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
