I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
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He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
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The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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