we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
