I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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