I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i think i have herpe
just one?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
