nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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