i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
