do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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