I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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