I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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