just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
