Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
