Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
