I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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