I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I need a beard to bite.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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