so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
If I die, sorry about rent.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
