hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
